


Two Things

by Salmon_I



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 02x01, Angst, Family Feels, Gen, Spn hiatus creations, Week 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 00:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmon_I/pseuds/Salmon_I
Summary: He doesn't have memories of things his friends at Stanford talked about.  He doesn't have backyard barbecues, or learning to ride his bike in front of his house, or birthday parties with kids from his class wearing stupid party hats.Sam's thoughts during 02x01 In My Time of Dying





	Two Things

Sam has a serious debate with himself over not taking the bag of items from Bobby. He imagines himself walking back into his father's hospital room empty handed - the biggest 'screw you' he can think of. He knows, though, that his father would most likely just call Bobby, or someone, to get those ingredients. Possibly even check himself out of the hospital and go get them himself. If he lets his father leave, Sam isn't sure when he would come back. Or **if** he would come back, for that matter.

Why is it everyone around him seems ready to give up? 

Bobby on the Impala. Saying there was nothing to save - even suggesting selling her for scrap. As if Dean would ever forgive them if they did. Sam isn't sure he would either. 

He doesn't have memories of things his friends at Stanford talked about. He doesn't have backyard barbecues, or learning to ride his bike in front of his house, or birthday parties with kids from his class wearing stupid party hats.

What he does have, though, is the memory of falling asleep to the rumble of the engine and the pounding bass of a cassette tape. Of Dean reading him the same book five times as they sat in the backseat, waiting for their father to come back from wherever he was at the time. Of playing with little green army men across seats and windows and air vents, and carving his initials next to his brother's.

His father on Dean - because what other reason would he be more concerned with the final showdown with Yellow Eyes than on finding a cure for his own son? Expending energy on making a list of supplies needed for a summoning spell rather than making calls about possible healers? He had sounded about as resigned as the darn doctor about his fate. The doctor he expected, but his father he didn't. Maybe he should have, though. After all, he hadn't been much help the first time Dean was dying either. It had been on Sam to find the cure then, maybe it was on him now, too.

If Sam is honest, he can't recall... No, if he is honest he can recall the last time he put his faith blindly in his father. His belief that he would always be there if he needed him died on a christmas morning and a failed attempt by his brother to mask another broken promise. It ended on a paper wrap gift being transferred from one recipient to another, and - since he's being honest - his trust along with it. Because Dean didn't let him down when it counted most. Not then, or in the years that followed.

Even when things were at their worst between them - two years of silence before he came to get him at Stanford - he still transferred Dean's numbers to his new phone. He didn't transfer his father's, certain he would have new numbers at that point so it would be pointless. He had been equally as certain, though, that Dean would keep at least one. Had known beyond all reasonable doubt that if anything did happen, he would pick up. He would come.

So Sam isn't giving up. If he has to fight every black eyed or yellow eyed demon, he will. If he has to find a way to cheat death, he'll do it. The world has given him two things to hold onto - that car and his brother - and it can have them back only after they've pried them from his cold, dead hands.

Fini

**Author's Note:**

> Because apparently the season 12 finale wasn't painful enough, after a week of being unable to figure out what to write my muse was all: "Hey, we can write something from Sam's POV during In My Time of Dying. You should go rewatch it."
> 
> That did not help my poor shredded heart, Muse. At all.


End file.
